Gnome wars, the battle renews

Many years ago, when I was a little boy, my parents hosted a family Christmas party with a white elephant gift exchange. My uncle was the unlucky recipient of an eight inch tall, little drummer boy soap dispenser. He did not want the dispenser, and hid it in the house for my parents to find. My parents also did not want the dispenser, so the next time we were at my uncles home, they hid the dispenser for him to find, and included with it an additional, similarly tacky, soap dispenser. Thus began a many year war, with the number of dispensers growing with each exchange, and eventually including a two foot tall, tinsel Christmas tree that lit up, and a garden gnome. The last exchange ended with my uncle enclosing a beach bum Santa Claus soap dispenser in my suit case that I took on my mission to Brazil. It was the last volley in this war before a truce was declared between my parents and my uncle. It’s always been a favorite story of mine, with many daring adventures in the middle of the night, breaking into my uncles home while he was out of town, etc. I’m married now, with children of my own. While at the store buying ingredients for our game day food today, my wife found a delightful little gnome wearing BYU gear, and was reminded of my story. While my parents may live across the country, my uncle currently lives a little over half an hour away. I suppose an important detail to note, is that while my family bleeds blue, by uncle is a graduate of the U, a yewt through and through. Mwahahahaha. The armistice is at an end. Since he still has teenage children living at home, I am waiting till after midnight tonight, and then paying my Uncle’s home a visit. I think this gnome will look best in his flower bed, invisible from the house, but clearly visible from the road.


Those are my lovely wife’s hands holding our little friend.

1 Like

As an update. I arrived at my uncles home at approximately 12:30am. Even with my prior knowledge of the blight that afflicted this household, I could not have expected the hideous sight that I beheld. Three large yewt flags, one posted in each corner of the front lawn and another hanging from the house welcomed us to the property. By their fruits ye shall know them. It mattered little that rest of the lawn was perfectly manicured, or that the flower beds contained beautifully trimmed shrubs and flowers. The sigil of evil was sign enough of the awful state of the dwellings residents who willing remained in the accursed place. And so, with a heavy heart, the talisman of light, our beloved, Y eblem bearing, defender of truth was placed discretely on the property by a decorative rock, where it might not be easily found. Even though the eldest children have been raised in the traditions of their father, and are beyond saving, some of the younger generation may yet be cured of the plague that has befallen their family. It is with this hope that this symbol of truth was left where they might find it.

Stand strong little gnome, warrior of cougar nation! Represent us well!

That is too funny.

should have burned a big ol Y in that perfect lawn as well